


Bound

by CatKing_Catkin



Category: Lunar: The Silver Star
Genre: Canon Compliant, Confessions, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Love Confessions, Nightmares, Requited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-25
Updated: 2013-06-25
Packaged: 2017-12-16 04:15:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/857664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatKing_Catkin/pseuds/CatKing_Catkin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for H/C Bingo, prompt "forced to hurt someone".</p><p>Halfway up the Grindery, Alex and his friends are finally forced to stop and rest for the first time in days. Nash, in particular, finally has it hit home just how far he's come, and how much he still hurts after the battle with the Mobile Magic Masher. Still feeling guilty, he tries to hide this fact from his friends. They, in turn, see right through him. Jessica gives him a pep talk as she patches up his injuries. Mia gives him solace, and a kiss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bound

**Author's Note:**

> I don't mean to excuse Nash's actions, here - part of why I love the little bastard is because he betrays you, and means it (at least in the remakes). It's just such a fascinating narrative choice, and I think the fact that he acts out of fear rather than any desire for power makes it a powerful one as well.
> 
> That said, the entire debacle with the Mobile Magic Masher must have been something of a nightmare, for him. Being forced to hurt your friends, feeling like you're the one fighting them even when you're trying to stop, and they're left with no choice but to attack you, and deep down you know that you really deserve all this pain...yikes.

Nash had never been more grateful for having the stuffing beaten out of him. After all, they hadn’t had a choice, and they’d fought back hard enough to make the suit break to pieces around him. That had only made it easier to get free when it had finally broken and Taben had run away. Which was fortunate, because if they’d had to waste much more time unfastening him, Nash was sure even Alex would have left him there, and he wouldn’t have blamed the boy in the slightest.

From there, it was a matter of making a mad dash. They’d gotten to be so good at those, even if they were almost always too late. The others had forgiven him enough to accept his help, and for that, Nash had been profoundly grateful, and humbled at how much he didn’t deserve even that. Nash didn’t normally let himself be humbled, because it was a feeling like acid in his throat.

He deserved it this time, though.

But over the course of that mad dash – up and out of the Grindery, to the airship, back to their own lands, to Vane, to the Star Chamber, and back to the Grindery – he’d forgotten how much damage he had done. There had just been the heat of the moment and the task at hand.

He’d also forgotten just how tired and hurt he was, until Alex called a halt for a rest halfway up the Grindery, and Nash suddenly had to lean against the wall so his legs wouldn’t give out from under him. He thought no one noticed, except Mia and maybe Alex from the way they looked his way. If Jessica or Kyle noticed, he doubted they cared.

For a wild moment, as the team settled down, Nash wondered why he felt so exhausted and beaten down. Then the events of the last…however long it had been hit him full force in the face. Shaking a bit at the memory of it all, he just slowly sank down into a sitting position on the floor, and didn’t look at anyone in the hopes that they wouldn’t look at him and see how much he still hurt.

His hopes were in vain. Nash looked up as a shadow fell over him, to see Jessica standing there with her hands on her hips and a stern expression on her face.

“Okay, Nash,” she said, obviously trying to conceal her distaste at having to address him directly. “Let’s get this over with. Tell me where it hurts.”

“What are you talking about?” Nash asked, trying to deflect her. He managed to summon up a ghost of his usual smile, all the cockiness that drove her up the wall. “Nothing hurts at all, besides my feet. I told you the Grindery was enormous.”

Jessica growled. Her hands twitched slightly, where they were clenched at her sides. “Nash. I said I forgave you. That doesn’t mean I want to put up with you any more than I did before.” She actually tried to keep her voice down as she said these words, though – probably for Mia’s sake. Nash was grateful to her for that, at least. “Alex told me you were hurt. As far as I’m concerned, that means you’re _hurt_. Now shut up and tell me where!”  

Nash shut up and let her heal him, mostly in an attempt to keep Jessica from losing her temper and making a scene out of him. Mostly to keep Mia from worrying. Mia was, in a lot of ways, the only way they ever saw eye-to-eye, but it was something.

Jessica’s litanies could keep them going and stop them from bleeding out or passing out, but to properly help them recover, she needed to take it slow and step by step. She wasn’t terribly good at that sort of detailed healing, mostly due to a lack of patience, but she tried for their sake.

Even for his.

And Jessica was not heartless, even if she had a temper to make her father proud. As the seconds ticked by, and he made himself show her all the old wounds and new he’d picked up so she could heal them, the priestess finally let out her breath in a long, low whistle.

“Jeez, Nash. I thought Ghaleon _liked_ you.”

She took one of his hands, pressing it between both of hers’ and letting a little more of her power flow into him, aimed at healing the welts and cuts on his wrists and arms. Nash was bruised, cut, and generally battered and broken, but it was the marks of the restraints that had fitted him into the Mobile Magic Masher that said the most, and they both knew it.

“I don’t know what Ghaleon is thinking, anymore. But I don’t think he really cares for anyone anymore.”

“So why did you go back to him? You must have known he’d kick you around like this.”

“Of course I did. But I thought it would be better than whatever he’d do to us as his enemies.”

“Tch. Quit lying, Nash. I know you’re on our side now, but you didn’t betray us for our sakes. You did it for yours’.”

Nash tried to hide how much her words hurt with a glare at Jessica. He couldn’t argue, however, not when he’d admitted that himself. It had been a hard realization to come to.

Jessica wasn’t done, however. “I know you said you were doing it all for Mia…but when you did, you showed us all that you didn’t really know her at all. Did you really think she wouldn’t chase after you?”

He wasn’t sure. Deep down, yes. He’d known that there was no way Mia would abandon her quest with Alex just because he’d asked her to. Perhaps that realization had been the metaphorical last straw. Realizing that she wouldn’t listen to him, maybe that she didn’t _care_ enough to listen to him, he’d wondered then if she could ever even love him.

When he betrayed them, his greatest triumph to Nash in that moment had been getting her to really _look_ at him, as he didn’t think she ever had before.

Looking back, it seemed a ridiculous and selfish way to think. Maybe Royce had been responsible for that. But Nash knew her involvement was really only in part. He knew, now, that he really had been a cowardly fool. He knew that he’d been so wrapped up in _his_ love for Mia that he hadn’t really thought of her at all.

“I…don’t know anymore.” He did know that _fear_ had been a major motivating factor for his actions, but that wasn’t the sort of thing he wanted to say out loud. Especially not to Jessica. But even now, especially now, the fear of what Ghaleon would do to them all when he won…and Nash still couldn’t think of an outcome where he didn’t win…made his stomach twist itself into knots with fear.

“Maybe now you’ll actually think about it.” Her tone was short, and stern, but again, not unkind. Certainly kinder than he deserved. “Because I think Ghaleon is the one who should be shaking in his boots. Especially if you stick with us this time.”

“Never fear, Jessica. No matter what happens to us later, I know how much I messed up before. I don’t intend to make the same mistakes twice.”

He was surprised at how confident he sounded, and so was she. After a moment, however, Jessica smiled – it was the friendliest expression she’d turned on him in a long while.

“Heh. I kind of envy Mia. If only Kyle learned as well as you did.”

Even as Nash watched, the last of the cuts around his wrist faded like it had never been there, taking the last of the pain with it. Jessica dusted her hands, and then stood up. “All right. Maybe you’ll stop falling behind, now. Eat something and get some sleep – if we have to drag you up tomorrow, I am _not_ going to be pleased. Got it?”

“There’s no need for threats, Jessica. I understand.”

“Good boy. And good night.”

She left him then, to rejoin the others, get some food, and get some sleep. He saw, looking up, that everyone else knew what had transpired between them, or at least that Nash had needed healing and Jessica had managed to force him to accept her help. No one asked for more than that, and Jessica didn’t even acknowledge the encounter, for which Nash was profoundly grateful.

Mia didn’t say anything, but she looked at him from where she was sitting a few feet away. It was a long, searching, but above all concerned look. It was the concern there that gave Nash the courage to look up and meet her gaze. He smiled, trying to make it seem like nothing was wrong, and all his doubts, fears, and guilt had gone with the Mobile Magic Masher.

It was a lie, of course, but he still wasn’t worthy of her worry. Maybe, if he helped them this time without faltering, he would be.

It was a thoughtful Nash that finally surrendered to exhaustion and slept that night, with Kyle keeping first watch against the monsters roaming the Grindery.

His dreams were troubled.

*  *  *

_The Mobile Magic Masher was a prison. It was an impression Nash tried to keep at bay, but it became more and more inescapable as all the fastenings were fitted around him, binding him to Taben’s greatest creation._

_“Never fear, Nash,” said Ghaleon. “You did all you could to save them. It’s not as though it’s your fault they refused to listen. I won’t blame you for them getting this far…just so long as you stop them here!”_

_“Yes, Master Ghaleon.”_

_“Are you afraid, Nash? Don’t be – this suit will amplify your power beyond measure. Even the Dragonmaster will not be able to defeat you.”_

_“I…I’m not afraid of them. Not anymore.” But it was a lie, and he knew it, and Ghaleon heard it. His smile was mocking as he pushed a needle home._

_“That’s good. You were always the best and brightest of my students, Nash. I have every confidence in you. And if, somehow, you can persuade Mia to see sense…I think I could overlook her earlier mistakes, just so long as you kept an eye on her in future.”_

_It was an offer meant to tempt him, reward him. Nash knew he should have felt grateful. Instead, he just felt sick._

_But it was the only way. At the least, if he had to destroy them, Nash would try to make it quick. Ghaleon, he knew, would relish the chance to make it slow._

_It was this thought, more than anything, that strengthened his resolve. Even if they hadn’t listened to him, there was still one more thing he could do for them. That was to take them out of Ghaleon’s reach forever._

_Secured and bonded to the machine, so that it could feed off of and amplify his power, they closed him in to it. His world narrowed to just the open faceplate, but when they powered it on, any sense of claustrophobia was erased by the sudden rush of_ power _._

_Ghaleon looked up at him, smiling with pride. He saw that Nash was determined, now, power strengthening his resolve to stop his former friends, and drowning out his doubt._

_“That’s my boy.”_

_*  *  *_

_But all the power in the world couldn’t make him want to hurt her. All of Ghaleon’s promises and threats couldn’t make him stop loving her._

_And as Nash faced them, saw them all staggering back to their feet, refusing to surrender even as he struck them down with lightning, he realized that he had been wrong._

_They had been his friends, once, and no matter how foolish they’d been, he had been wrong to betray them. The sudden, hot rush of shame burned like acid in his throat._

_He hadn’t wanted to hurt anyone, but he had. He thought he’d been doing right…but he hadn’t._

_And for the first time in a very long time, Nash wasn’t afraid._

_“I’m sorry, Mia…and all of you. I thought I was doing what was best, but I was really thinking only about myself. I only wish I could take back everything I’ve done…”_

_Alex, weakened as he was, still looked up at Nash and_ smiled _. “Oh, Nash…”_

_And for a moment, he thought it really would be that easy. He was already lowering his staff and thinking of how best to direct them to get him out of this thing._

_“Alas! Despite this little change of heart, the power of my invention must be known!”_

_It wouldn’t be that easy. Taben, Ghaleon, wouldn’t let it be that easy. Nash felt the remote control being activated, felt the machine coming_ alive _around him. Panicking, Nash tried to resist. He tried to fight, tried to stop it from using his power to hurt them, but realized that part of the reason he’d been fastened in so tight was so he couldn’t struggle._

_“I won’t let you all depart without a minor demonstration via remote control! Behold the power of the Mobile Magic Masher, humans!”_

_He realized that the Mobile Magic Masher hadn’t been meant to strengthen him. He’d been offered up as fuel to strengthen it. They were looking up at Taben in alarm, when they should have been looking at him._

_Nash felt his arm raise, the staff arch around in a fierce strike, and felt his power call down the lightning, striking them once more – only Mia’s proximity to him saved her this time._

_They were prepared, though, and this time none of them fell. They rounded on him instead, angry and betrayed, ready to take him down as though he were just another monster._

_He was just another monster, now, but there was nothing he could do about it. All the same, as he felt his resistance weakening, Nash mustered up the last of his energy to cry out: “That wasn’t me! I’m not doing anything!”_

_“Nash…?” Mia was looking up at him in fear. Fear for him, or fear of what he could do, he didn’t know anymore._

_“Help me, Mia…”_

_*  *  *_

His dreams became more fevered, strange, and frightening after that, blurring the line between memory and fear. He dreamed of their faces, twisted in pain or rage, as they fought against him. He remembered being trapped and helpless to stop fighting them, his body just fuel for the suit as it moved around him.

He dreamed that he succeeded, and killed them. Then he dreamed that they triumphed, and had no mercy for him.

Nash awoke with a start and a gasp, shaking and clammy with fear. Someone – he briefly couldn’t remember who – said his name, resting a hand on his shoulder. He flinched away, muffling a cry of shock, before he even looked up to see who it was.

Mia looked back at him, her hand still hovering where she’d pulled it sharply away. She looked sad and scared…but it wasn’t the same look she’d worn when looking up at the out of control Mobile Magic Masher. This time, Nash had no doubt that she really was afraid for him.

“Mia…” he said, pushing himself up into a sitting position. “Is it my turn on watch?”

She shook her head, obviously unimpressed by his attempts to change the subject away from his nightmare. “No. But…if you wanted to sit up with me, I’d like that.”

He certainly didn’t want to go back to sleep. Nash nodded. “Very well. I suppose, between the two of us, we’d make a better watch than if we sat up alone.”

She smiled in something like relief. “Right.” She shifted closer to him, close enough that the fabric of their clothes touched even if they didn’t. It was still enough to make Nash’s heart thump a little harder in his chest, make his palms sweat and his throat tight and all the little signs of love that he’d grown so familiar with over the years.

The fact that he knew now that Mia loved him, too, hadn’t done anything to fix that. That seemed somehow unfair. He should be acting less hopeless around her now, right? Wasn’t that how it worked?

Apparently not with him. Mia deserved someone less hopeless, but somehow, she didn’t seem to agree. And Jessica was right. If he loved her, he needed to think of how she felt, and accept it. It was more than he deserved that she still seemed to think so highly of him.

“Mia, I…”

“Nash, I…”

They spoke at the same time, and then fell silent at the realization that they had. Nash looked away, feeling himself blush. Mia was having none of this, however. He flinched, due to surprise more than anything, when she leaned over and laid a hand on his cheek to gently coax him to look back at her.

After a second of wavering, Nash did. He didn’t know what to say to her, or if he’d even be able to say anything. If Mia had something to say to him, though, he would listen.

She didn’t. Instead, when their gazes met, Mia leaned forward and kissed him. And Nash found it impossible to think or worry about anything, after that. His mind became a blissful, blank blur, and the only thing in the world was kissing her back.

When Mia finally broke the kiss, she didn’t immediately pull away. She stayed close, her forehead resting against his, one hand resting lightly on his cheek, where the mark of her slap had faded even if the memory of it remained. Nash scarcely dared to breathe for fear that the moment would shatter into pieces if he did, and be proven nothing more than a dream.

“I love you,” she murmured softly. “And…it’s going to be okay, Nash. If we all stand together, I know that we’ll win. And if you stand with me…I’m not afraid.”

There was really only one reply he could make to that. “Mia…no matter what happens, I will never leave you again. And I won’t rest, until we’ve defeated the Magic Emperor, and saved Luna.”

There and then, Nash couldn’t imagine any fate worse than betraying her again, and turning his back on the love she was offering him with all her heart.

He stole another kiss, then. She didn’t seem to mind. And they sat up with each other until it was time to move on.


End file.
